into the void!

And I mean that as a positive statement of utter glee, lol!

I sit writing this at an empty desk, across from the cubicle I have occupied at Turner Broadcasting for about 2 years.  I had a good time, laughed a lot every day, actually liked my boss and made enough to keep me afloat, though never enough to put any aside.  This means that when I gave my notice about 3 weeks ago after some soul searching and discussion with my love, I was taking a tremendous leap of faith.  I still am.  My temp agency might have a gig for me any minute now, they usually come through and like to keep me working, and there are other irons in the fire I don't want to jinx (or dissipate the energies of either, in witchy terminology) but I am literally falling into the lap of the Universe and trusting...that I will land someplace just right for me very soon, that it will all be and already is a-ok, that this was an empowering choice. 

While there are a handful of people here I will dearly miss and for whom I feel great affection, I find it rather easy to slink away like Batman later.  Most folks leave after an awkward and obligatory cake and champagne sendoff in conference room A (though the recent goodbye to a much beloved employee who is now living his dream of being a pilot was incredibly authentic and deeply moving) which I managed to duck thanks to hedging on my last day as much as possible.  Few people here realize I will be gone for good in a matter of moments, just the way I like it. ;) 

There will be a few hugs, some will actually be genuine (Brett, Sammy, Beth, etc), some will be polite, and others will wonder in a week or so where I am and whether I'm out sick or on vacation, lol. I know of a few who will celebrate my being gone; I ruled over Brett's kingdom with an iron fist.  But tomorrow, as I sit in a cafe watching people, job hunting and resume tweaking, I will feel calm, peaceful and know this was the right choice.

A few months from now, maybe a year at the most, my love and I will find ourselves living the dreams we share in Portland.  For now, we prepare, observe, enjoy the last trips to Santa Monica and Topanga, knowing one day it will all be a golden memory....and a bittersweet departure.

Leaping into the void takes confidence and courage, and I found my most unsettling moments to be right after I make the declaration to myself and the Universe.  Then came an odd sense of tranquility and feeling incredibly powerful.  Knowing your worth, inside and out, is intoxicating.  I am grateful to know this feeling now and to have come to this place. 

This is the alchemy of "age" and the passage of linear time here on earth; I feel I become younger and more childlike and free by the day yet the strength, courage and wisdom are extraordinary.  I've never been as bold or guided by self love as I am now.  This is unlimited being, pure being and the way of living I have waited for all my life.  I sense the beginning of something new and amazing...this is the first step.  One giant leap into the beautiful unknown. I'll let you know where I land. ;)